Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: At what point should IQ testing be conducted? We have an only child — a girl who is in kindergarten.

A: There's no specific time that all children should be given individual IQ tests by a psychologist. Schools often arrange for group IQ testing to help teachers in guiding children toward challenge or for better understanding if children are struggling in school. For many children, the group tests are sufficient for guiding them. However, these group tests are often timed and may provide underestimates of the abilities of children who work slowly or lack confidence because they're likely not to finish the tests.

The decision as to whether you should test your daughter should come from your observations of her adjustment to school, together with the progress her kindergarten teacher communicates to you. If you or the teacher sees that your daughter needs more of a challenge than the typical kindergarten curriculum, an IQ test along with achievement tests can give you further guidance in providing that challenge. If either of you observe her as struggling more than her age-mates, that would be another reason to request individual testing. If you and the teacher disagree on your observations about either challenge or struggle, a full educational evaluation is also appropriate.

School psychologists are usually expected to conduct evaluations for students who are struggling or have problems. Some schools will also allow testing children to determine if they require further challenge, but some won't. Either way, if you choose to have an outside psychologist evaluate your child because you're concerned about an issue, or just because you'd like to know more about her strengths and weaknesses, the kindergarten year is as good as any.

On the other hand, if all is going smoothly and you feel that school is right for your daughter, there would be no reason to request further testing. You can just relax and watch her love her learning and enjoy her classmates and her teachers.

For a free newsletter about IQ testing, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.

Q: Every few months or so, my 7-year-old son speaks of death.

He's been doing this since he could talk. When he was younger, he would say such things as, "Mommy, I don't want to die." Then he would hug me and cry and cry. Sometimes he would say, "Mom, I don't want you to die." Just the other day, he asked me where he was going to be buried when he died.

This type of talk from him really scares me. When I ask him, "What made you think of that?" He says he doesn't know, and he just thought about it.

The experiences he's had with death include his baby cousin who died at 3 months of age of a congenital heart defect, his great-grandmother who passed away at 87 and one of our puppies who had to be put down.

Please tell me what you think? It scares me.

A: It's not unusual for children to occasionally bring up death, particularly after they've heard of some person or animal that has died. If you appear overly concerned about your son's questions, it'll, no doubt, worry him even more. You can explain that life and death are everywhere, in the fish in the sea, in the plants in the garden and unfortunately, even among the people we love. You can also assure him that, fortunately, people usually live a very long time, like his great-grandmother did, and he'll probably live that long as well. After your explanation, unless he has more questions, don't hesitate to change the subject, so he doesn't find that you'll give him total one-to-one attention every time he brings up the topic.

Your son seems like a highly sensitive child. Death is never easy for any of us, especially if it's a person we love deeply, but beyond answering his questions appropriately, dwelling on that difficult topic will probably make it seem more worrisome to your son. If your son continues to be obsessed by death even after you've followed this advice, do go to a counselor and have him evaluated to be sure we don't overlook a larger problem.

For a free newsletter about fears and fearful children, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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