My Mom, My Son, Myself: Happy Mother's Day!Hey, Readers!
Those of you who have been so kind — not to mention loyal! — and have been reading my column for years may recall that a few years back I did a Mother's Day column with my own mom. Let me tell you a little about her. After …Read more.Teen Mom MillionsHey, Cherie!
Hello. My name is Bailey and I live in Maine. I'm almost 16 and have a very level head on my shoulders. I come from a good family. No one is an alcoholic or abusive or anything like that. The only thing I've ever heard my parents fight …Read more.Teen Drinks Hand Sanitizer Hey, Readers!
I got two similar letters this week on the same subject, though I'm only printing one here to save space. The letters came from completely different parts of the country; one was from a girl and one was from a guy. Since it was a …Read more.Tween Worries Over BodyHey, Cherie!
I'm 12 years old. I hope that isn't too young to write to you, so here goes.
When I was a little kid, I was just a normal weight, not skinny and not fat. I never really thought about my weight, and I thought I looked OK. Like people …Read more.
I am 12 years old, and I still don't have a cellphone! My parents have cellphones, all my friends have one and even my little cousin who is 8 has one!
My parents think it's not necessary for me to have one yet. I think they listen to what their friends say about their kids and texting and stuff, or what is on the news about kids and cellphones. I tell them all the time that it would be a good thing for me, but they just won't budge on the subject. Cherie, how can I get them to understand how important it is to me? They just don't get it.
—Cell-less Student
Hey, Cell-less!
I hear ya honey! Life is soo much easier with a cellphone, and I bet it's really tough for you when you have to tell someone that you don't have one when everybody else does. Have you explained to your parents that it will make their lives simpler? If they can find you just by calling you?
You could bring up their cellphone plan, and see how much more it would cost to add a line. If it's not much more, then you could say that you would work off the cost around the house! (Of course, that's up to you!) There really are many advantages to being in contact with them, so maybe you can make a list of all the instances where this could help them out. Tell them that it will teach you some responsibility. I will bet that if they see that you put some work into proving this point, then they will come around.
Hey, Cherie!
I am in a big family. There are five kids, and I am the oldest at 13. My parents expect me to be in charge all the time, and they are always assuming that I have nothing better to do then to watch my brothers and sisters all the time.
I feel like they take advantage of me and never let me do anything fun.
It's always about making sure the laundry is done, or everybody is fed, or everybody takes a bath, or everything else that needs to be done! It's so not fair that I have no life. I can't go out for any reason that doesn't have to do with the family. I can't even be in the school plays or play any sports 'cause after school, I have to be home with them.
My parents do say they are proud of me and the way I "handle things." I guess it's cool and all, but I have friends, too! I have one friend that doesn't have to lift a finger at home. I am so jealous of her because her mom does everything for her. Why can't I have her life!
—Lifeless Student
Hey, Lifeless!
Being part of a family does mean some responsibility. That being said, it's not like you chose to be a part of it, but there you are. I totally get what you mean about having all this stuff to do, and never being allowed to have fun. Have you pointed out to your folks that you need some time for yourself? That it's an important part of growing up to take part in sports and other extra-curricular activities? That this makes you a well-rounded person? If you are completely tied up with this other stuff, how are you getting your schoolwork done? Some parents do tend to rely on their older kids to help out, and there is nothing wrong with this, but taking advantage is something else. Can you sit down with them and ask if there is a compromise that can be made? List all the things that you do around the house and show it to them. Maybe they aren't aware of how much you do!
Good luck!
Cherie Bennett is a best-selling author of books for teens and young adults. Visit her website at www.cheriebennett.com. To find out more about Cherie Bennett and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
LW1 - Maybe it's time to show you are responsible enough for a cell phone instead of whining all the time about them not getting you one. Find a way to earn your own money, and save for a cell phone. Figure out what type of plan YOU can afford (whether it be added to your parents or on your own) and save up a couple months worth of payments. Then when you have that, sit down and write out all the pros and cons to you having one, and talk to your parents. Then maybe they will think you are ready.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Scorn
Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:25 AM
LW2: Lifeless Student: I sympathize with your situation. I was in your shoes when I was young, except that my parents got divorced when I was your age. My responsibilities for my younger siblings were also hard to take. I don't know if this will help, but I can tell you that when you are older, at some point you will see how much your younger siblings respect and look up to you. They are so many pains in the neck now, but you are helping raise them. You might be doing as much as or more than your parents do to bring them up. You will see one day that they look to you as another parent.
You didn't ask for this, but you have it. Your younger siblings will remember the things you do for them. Someday you will be amazed at what they remember. Try to appreciate your unique relationship with them now. And choose a college in another state. When you are 18, you will have all of the life you think you are missing now, and it will be fine. You'll see.
LW2: You might get somewhere if you can get a sympathetic adult at school to help intervene for you: "Jody tells me she's not able to try out for the play, because of responsibilities at home. I absolutely understand that, but I'm wondering if we might find a way she could make the rehearsals and continue to help out, while maintaining those good grades. Theater is such a wonderful experience for kids -- it gives them a real chance to ...." Sympathetic coaches can also be good at this kind of thing.
At the very least, know that you are getting valuable life skills that your friend doesn't have, an awareness of what goes into childcare that will most likely make sure you don't have children before you're ready to put in this kind of work yourself, and a relationship with your sibs -- all of which will stand you in good stead later.
And -you can remind your parents that the sib closest to you in age is ready to take on some of the responsibilities you've been shouldering, because you were [folding laundry, doing dishes, feeding the baby] at that age, and it would be good for that kid to learn to get some of your know-how, many hands make light work, etc, etc.
Comment: #3
Posted by: hedgehog
Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:18 AM
LW2, this is why I never had children. I had to be in charge of not only my siblings, but my idiot mother too. I honestly got burned out playing the parent and caretaker that I never felt compelled to put myself in that situation in regards to dealing with more kids.
It does make you grow up fast, but they should be considerate that your youth is not wasted. Mine was. A reason among many I cut off my mother.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Miss Sashay
Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:12 PM
LW1--"I am 12 years old, and I still don't have a cellphone! My parents have cellphones, all my friends have one and even my little cousin who is 8 has one!" If all of your friends and 8-year old cousin were to jump off a cliff would you want to as well? Just because everyone is doing something doesn't mean it's normal or that you have to do it too. Your parents are wise. Frankly, a 12 year old has no business with a cell phone. These little devices are like thieves. They rob young people of so many opportunities to do more important (and far more interesting) things in their formative years than chatting, updating social media sites, watching videos and playing games around the clock. Aside from that, cell phones aren't free. Who do you suppose will be stuck paying for your phone and it's expensive data plan? This might come as a surprise to you but your parents didn't have cell phones at your age and guess what, they survived just fine. So will you. One day you'll look back on this "problem" and appreciate that your parents wanted more for you than to shamble through life like a mindless zombie with its nose glued to a tiny flickering screen while the world crumbles around it.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Chris
Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:12 PM
We got our son a cell phone when he was 15 or 16. He was thrilled, of course, and one of our friends said, "He doesn't realize that you've put a Lo-Jack on him, does he." After that, we were always able to find him when we needed him or wanted to know where he was. The additional cost was, if I remember, less than $20 a month which he was responsible for.
When he went out his window, thinking that he was sneaking out (his silly friend drove up in our driveway to get him) I called him on his cell and asked him just what he was doing. If his friend had parked down the street a-ways, I'd have never known he was gone. I asked him why he didn't walk out the front door like a normal person.
He's still got a phone on our plan because it doesn't cost anything to keep him there. If I had a 12-year-old daughter who was active in school activities, I would probably want her to have a cell, for my convenience as much as hers. It gives parents an extra edge: grades go down, phone goes away--behavior not good, phone goes away--chores not done, etc.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:12 PM
Chris, unfortunately there's an issue with, "I didn't have such-and-such when I was your age and I survived just fine!". The practicality is, nobody else had such-and-such back then either, and different methods were used to adapt both socially and economically. Your great-grandparents probably didn't even have regular telephones, but could you have survived without a phone when you were a kid? Suppose your parents had told you that a phone was not needed and if you wanted to socialize with your friends, you could just bike or walk over to their houses directly to make plans (whatever the weather), or talk to them at school or other activities when you had time.
Still think the concept applies?
Well, consider this...
Most people didn't have computers in the 70s, and heck, we didn't even have internet until about a decade ago. Yet, if the internet and all that went with it (e-mail, servers, websites, etc.) were to suddenly disappear today, there would be absolutely MASSIVE withdrawal issues relating to both social and business aspects...I'm guessing at least half of businesses, and probably more, would fold after just a few days. And what if ALL computers disappeared tomorrow? People "survived" for centuries just fine without computers, but nowadays you would NOT be able to get a job without some knowledge of how to work them.
The concept of transmitting data instantly is also new. When I took my computer classes in college, we still needed to print out the data on paper to demonstrate the programs we'd written actually worked...couldn't e-mail them or save them to a website or server like you can today. I doubt that such a paper readout would be accepted by a teacher now as acceptable proof for completing a programming assignment.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Paul W
Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:27 PM
Please Chris, not the old jump-off-a-cliff argument. Parents can make it so that a child's phone doesn't have access to games. Parents can also make it so that the phone can only call/text or receive calls/texts from pre-approved numbers, such as mom, dad, grandma, bff#1, bff#2, and of course, 911. And most cell phones come equipped with a tracking device which is supposed to be used if you lose your phone, but can also certainly be used to track the user (assuming that the user keeps the phone with him or her.)
Certainly this child should be willing to do her part in paying for the phone and bill. And of course the phone should be taken away if there is a drop in grades or problem behavior. But to say no to a cell phone for no good reason is silly.
I guess I'm sensitive to parents saying no just because due to my parents doing just that. "My homework and chores are done, can I go outside?" "No." "Why?" "Because." Stupidity.
